I find it so interesting how easy it is for some to lie, to convince someone they are speaking the truth while lying or avoiding the topic all together. How easy it is to convince someone that you care, that you love them. It works for politicians, criminals. It works in relationships both personal and professional.
I follow a lot of crime blogs, lie detection etc. Why, because I once wanted to be a criminal prosecutor. But, I have an extreme phobia of public speaking that I have unsuccessfully tried to overcome… and being that face that puts criminals behind bars, I will admit that is somewhat frightening.
So, instead I went into Human Resources and I follow cases and blogs on the side and hope that those that do the job I am not able to do, do it right. But more and more…I am disappointed .
Now I have always been very observant. Even before I started reading about lie detection, statement analysis etc, The older I got, the more I have just gotten it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I am not rocket scientist or math wiz… but common sense….. I have that. Seeing past the sales pitch… I have that. I don’t just buy into the hype. I am not easily swayed and I for sure do not believe just because I was told. I want facts, I want proof. Or I question it. It sure has not made my life easier. So, I have learned to keep my mouth shut (thus, why sometimes my only outlet is to write) or just let things go. But it never leaves my mind. I have not accepted it or just believed. I just choose not to fight a fight I know I may never win.
I question what others just assume. Even if I don’t shout it from the roof tops, I do question it. I would hear the deception or hear the missed response. Not always sure why, that is until I began studying about lie detection and my soul mate….”statement analysis”. Yes I said soul mate. Statement Analysis was like the light that finally when off for me that made things make more sense.
Now I have mentioned in a prior post that I am sure that the reason I am this way stemmed from my child hood….. My mother is a pathological liar. I don’t mean she exaggerates, or bends the truth…..she outright lies. Her reasons vary….. sympathy, control, or just to simply win an argument etc… she lies. She lives breathes and lies. She is probably one of the best. She still lies to this day and convinces many. I think part of that is why I can see deception in the little things. I watched the pro lie my whole life.
I also see this deception at work. Meetings are especially fascinating.
I recall a meeting an old boss. He was asked a question I initially thought he would refer to me. I knew very well he had no clue what the process was…since it was something that I and I alone managed. Sure he was my boss, and technically that falls under his scope, but in this case, I knew for a fact he did have the answers.
Instead….he instead proceeded to ramble. Not even about the question, in fact, I sat there wondering just what exactly he was even talking about the entire time. He just went on and on and on.
I initially was sure everyone would be confused and the question would be again asked with clarification and I would need to interject. Instead, as I looked around the room…. Rather than seeing baffled faces, they seemed engaged, hanging on every word. When he finally stopped speaking…. Everyone seemed, well, impressed…..as if he had answered the question and went above with his response. When in fact, he didn’t answer the question at all. I was shocked. Not only did they feel that he had sufficiently answered the question, which he had not, they were impressed?!?!? Was I just in the same room?
It took me a while to understand. But after years of watching this occur, I realized that there are those that just speak well. They use pretty words, they have the right tone, the right pace.
I came to call this the BS ability.
They can bull shit their way through anything because they speak well. They flow their words well, they sound educated and knowledgeable. Even having no knowledge at all.
Once I figured this out, it was like a piece of the puzzle…. Just a piece.
Figuring this out also allowed me to finally understand the success of a friend of mine……
A friend who is….. for lack of a better way to put it, a “pot head”….
Now to clarify, by “pot head” I do not mean she smokes pot occasionally or even after work and on the weekends.
No, she is a certifiable text book pot head. She is stoned every day, ALL DAY. She smokes pot as soon as she wakes while most of us are having our morning cup of coffee. She has pot in her baked goods that she eats at work. ALL DAY. She sneaks to the rest room to smoke a joint before meetings. She smokes pot all day…..every day……
She will tell her employer she has meetings, interviews with clients then smoke pot and sleep for hours. She has told me time and again that she works maybe 2 hours a week…
She is a queen bull shitter.
So good, she has managed to be employee of the year many times. Recruiter of the year many years in a row. And, not for a small company, but a fortune 500 company. And she does nothing and she does it stoned.
She lied about her education. She lied about her experience. She lies about her criminal past. Yet time and again, she lands the job, closes the deal and brings in 6 figures.
Being a top producing recruiter myself, I fail time and again to land those high paying jobs or to get the credit I deserve for actual hard work. I am NOT a bull shitter.
It is unreal but it's true.
Most our leaders are really nothing more but bull shitters.
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