A little dysfunction goes along way

Dysfunction?
What does that mean? Well, to me, it simply means that your family has some fucked up issues.
Big or small, they got them. BTW, if you are on the Jerry Springer show, your photos are posted on “PeopleofWalmart.com or you leave the trailer park with your fake Louis Vuitton purse…. You are the poster child for disfunction! 
But hey, I have my share of dysfunction. Parents divorced when I was 2.

What does that mean? Well, to me, it simply means that your family has some fucked up issues.

Big or small, they got them. BTW, if you are on the Jerry Springer show, your photos are posted on 

“PeopleofWalmart.com or you leave the trailer park with your fake Louis Vuitton purse…. You are the poster child for disfunction! 


But hey, I have my share of dysfunction. Parents divorced when I was 2. Mom raised me, dad hardly ever saw me. But the biggest one of all was that my mom was a pathological liar. 

Now, we are not talking about your run of the mill lies. 

My mom’s lies are VERY different and always take on a life of their own. 

There are some that lie to make themselves look better. They lie about how much money they make, how great life is etc. 

Not my mom.

My mom lied about how she was a victim of many things.

Yep, where most people lie to appear better, my mom I think thrived off the poor you responses her crazy lies got her. There were years I even believed her. Years that most people believed her. But fast forward to 2013, there are only a couple of people who are still in her life and actually believe her. And in their defense, a phone call on birthdays and a once every couple years visit doesn't allow you time to catch on. 

She after all was really good at what she did. She was convincing, and worst of all, would stand by that lie even faced with proof she was lying. She is often described and charming and "so nice". The nice part always makes me laugh. She could be the sweetest lady toyour face and heavenforbid your bras stars were showing.... as you walk away... She was calling you white trash. So I guess we can add in HIGHLY judgemental. But that was not the part I struggled with. It was in fact those lies. 

Now I do get her childhood is a Lifetime movie. 

To give you the Cliffs notes version... 8 kids, mom and dad divorce. Dad took 3, mom took 3.... one was just given up for adoption (to this day I do not know why) and well, the last one "oops" was the result of a little infidelity on moms part and that baby was shipped off to his real dad. Both mom and dad needed some serious CPS involvement but this was another time and most of what occurred was kept well behind closed doors. 

So, my mom was one of the 3 kids that went to live with dad. Dad to his own credit was from what I have learned over the years, an accomplished liar in his own right. In fact, I believed until I was an adult, that he was an FBI agent. When in reality, he was just a man that struggled to maintain a job his entire life and bailed when I was 11, moved out of state and started a new life. We never even knew what happened to him until his death when the woman he had shared the last years of his life with tracked down our family. But that is in itself a crazy story that to this day is still a total mystery which I will write more about later in a future post. 

But so as you can see my mom hardly grew up with any stability and is why I at least on some level understand. But at the same time, the lies took overher reality and I could no longer just smile and nod through the "trauma" she was NOT enduring. 

And I've tried to talk to her about it, tried to force her to face the truth and after 40 years I have just learned that she will never change or admit her lies.

And even if you had "proof" in your very hands, she would even go so far as to state you forged her signature. I'm fact that happened. 

To her credit, she is good. She should have been an attorney. I mean she can lie her way out of anything. Even if no one buys it, she is often convinced she showed you up. 

So as I type this, I am going on 2 years of very little contact. She has maintained a relationship with my son, and for his sake I have allowed this. But I know someday he too will figure it out. But he's 5. She has a few years left. 

So... I started to realize when I was in junior high, I was beginning to head down the same path. I realized it was not the life I wanted and I sure did not want any future children of mine to go through what I had.

So that was it. I changed how I thought and promised myself that I would not be "that" person.

And I am happy to say I am not. 

But in the past couple years after stumbling upon a little blog about statement analysis (see my post on lies as I discuss it in detail there) which teaches you how to detect deception by simply looking at the words spoken. And while part of it attracted me due to my inital plans in life and the part of me that wants to solve the mysteries, it was also like therapy for me. I even went back as I began to understand the process more... And analyzed a lot of my moms crazy e-mails and it was like that "ah ha!" Moment. It all made sense. 

So I continue on. Lie free. Well, at least big lies. I will still tell my friend I like her dress if I don't... But there is really no harm in that and my moms lies were harmful.