When you know, you just know!

So I think it's safe to say that most of us want that special person to share our life with. But finding that person that fits you, can be quite the challenge. 

I know a few that found that one in high school, got married and stayed in love. But let's be honest, that is rare.

The thing that I think makes this search so much harder is all the "wrong ones" we waste our time dating or worse, marrying them. Some have stayed married for 30+ years only to final divorce.  It's really sad. 

But I think we will see less and less of that as time goes on. There was a time divorce was really not an option where today it, divorce happens all the time.

Now I am myself, divorced. I thought I had met the one. But after just 2 short years, the reality of how wrong we were had settled in and there was no way to continue.

So now after dating ALOT, I have realized, that it takes just one date to know. To know that you just met that one person.

I always heard about "love at first sight" but I had not really ever seen it. 

And it was also drilled in to me by friends and relatives, to "take things slow". That it takes time to "know". 

Well I will admit, being the skeptic that I am (I need either proof or to come up to my own conclusion) I was not so sure.

Now I dated people I "clicked" with right away. In fact me and my ex husband decided to move in together after just 2 weeks. And well, clearly he was not "the one". But initially we really did click. But the man had issues. Anxiety and depression. And to be honest, when you have issues like this, I think you will always struggle in relationships. 

Now I want to be clear, there are plenty of happy lasting relationships where they "took it slow". But all the ones I know , they began dating in high school or college. And this is very different. Not only do high school kids rarely make a decision to marry, a person will change so much by the time they reach their late 20's. And it's that point, that I feel most people have really become who they will be. And so relationships at this age, really should not need to go slow. 

Now, I knew some couples that met later, took it slow and then married. By all accounts they appear happy. I will say there are exceptions I am sure. But they are just that, exceptions to the rule. Not the norm. 

So I was in my 30's when I met my husband. "The one" hands down. I had been divorced for several years and dated a few men.. But nothing that lead anywhere. I also very casually dated one man (it was really just an insane physical attraction) who was a single dad who had full custody and 3 jobs. He really did. He was a good man. He drove himself into the ground to make sure the kids had everything they needed. So when he said he could not commit to anything serious (he also only dated on his off days when he was kid free. He was careful about his kids getting attached. So that left him 2 days a month) I at first I recall thinking he "could be" the one. With time. But that now to me, is so clearly proof he was in fact not. 

As time went by, I started to think more about "the one". I also became sure then that if/when I would know. Then I heard about the little book "He's just not that into you". That was like a light bulb. Put these 2 theories together and it was like I just got it. I never again had a 2nd date. That is until I met my husband.. But "dating" was not quite what we did. But I'll get more into him later.

So I had stopped dating the single father... But we stayed friends. I had come to this conclusion and told him so, "when u meet that one, you will be ready to get serious". You will change your life. He was sure I was wrong. Well, I was right. He did meet a girl that moved in quickly.   Since he didn't need to work 3 jobs, with 2 incomes, he now had the time. The only difference was that she was that one he saw past the obstacles. He was going to make it work no matter what. And it makes so much sense if you really think about it. 

And that was for me, confirmation.

So I was living with a couple roommates. We rented this big house with a pool and shared the costs. 

One of them had started dating this man, and when he met me the first time, he immediately tried to set me up with his best friend. 

Well, they showed me a photo (I had already had blind dates and clearly no one got my taste) and I was "NOT" interested. Now, what seems crazy now, was that we were dating for 2 weeks before I realized "that photo" was actually him. Had it been any other picture, I likely would have began dating him sooner. 

But let me back up to the day we met. Now it was a few months AFTER I determined from that photo that he was not it. 

Now, I think I need to point out that when we met, I was not dressed up, my hair and makeup was not done. In fact, it was quite the opposite really. And not in a good way. 

I think I look more like "what the cat drug out".

In fact, I am sure it could not have been a worst first impression. Which only supports my theory. 

Now before I share my story, i want to state that I had a good career, worked for a Fortune 500 company, and was a bright professional. I was not who I was about to appear to be. 

So I was supposed to be in Chicago for St Patricks day. Me and my roommate work in the travel industry and one of the perks... We can fly for free.

So despite an early flight, a friend convinced us to stop by her "rum tasting" party.

We honestly had every intention of dropping by for just a few and heading home early. 

Instead, I woke up the next day shoeless and and laying on someone's couch. Now I was a VERY light drinker. 2 beers and I had a buzz. So me and rum, was not a good combination. And I was at the age I rarely went out much outside dinner or happy hour. But I was always home by 10. I already had my party years. I was ready to settle down. 

So the rum really hit me hard. Now I didn't blackout, I had full recollection of the night (with the exception of where I had lost my shoes) but this was not how I spent my nights. Even in my early 20's, I was responsible. And I am not saying I was irresponsible this night, but this was for sure not me. 

In fact, I had even made out with the nerdy IT guy at work. G rated of course. This occurred on my friends patio and was a short few minutes. 

So the first discovery when I arrived home was quite shocking. My neck.... Was COVERED IN HICKIES! I was mortified. I recalled he had kissed neck, but this looked like something back in the 80's with my first real boyfriend. I was now an adult and had a career and well, this was horrible. Add in the fact I had the worst hangover (to this day, I never drink rum). 

Well... 

As you can imagine.. I didn't make the flight. And after being sick all day, I was home alone, so I took a shower, put on my favorite flannel sweat pants, my monster.com 2xl t-shirt and put my rats nest hair into a quick sloppy bun. Glasses on, lights out and I curled up on the couch to watch a movie. 

And that is when SURPRISE, my roommate walks in the door. Of all the days for her to forget something, it was the day she brought him. 

The second I layed eyes on him, barely lit from the porch light, my jaw dropped....and I thought to myself, "holy shit, he is HOT!". 

Then, as she flipped on the rest of the lights, I remembered... And I was horrified! 

Really? Today of all the days, she walks in with him!

I knew there was not much I could really do at this point outside running to hide. And where had it been anyone else, I would have just disappeared into my room, I was instantly drawn to him. So I pulled the hair tie out and pulled my hair over my shoulders praying it would hide at least some of it. 

And to my shock, he walked right over, litterly inches away and goes "who are you?". And flashed this smile as if we were a cartoon and the prince just saw his Cinderella and the little hearts fly over his head... 

I could feel that he was drawn to me too, yet I was still, understandably mortified. My roommate had already asked why I was home, so I had already explained the hang over which I had hoped would excuses appearance. Still hoping he had not noticed my neck,... But as we chatted, he lifted his arm and pushed back my hair and smirked. Now what shocked me was not that he was in my personal space. But that he felt it was ok to actually touch my hair. And get, well right up in my business. The butterflies that I felt from that was like nothing I had ever experienced. 

I quickly started talking a hundred miles an hour to explain.... And I think the shock from my roommate helped. This clearly was not the norm. And it was not like I had done anything other than kiss this guy. 

But it looked bad! I laugh now but at the time... Not so much. In fact, I think he is the only man that would have seem me like that and given me a 2nd thought. But then, I have already told you the ending, he was "the one". 

So back to my story... 

So,he stayed there, right in front of me for about 10 minutes. Smiling the entire time... 

But they did have plans so they headed out... 

One of our friends who had stopped by was still there as I slowly closed the door, the butterflies still racing, I knew.... That was him. The one. No doubts! 

I just stood there, i must have looked strange because my friend asked me what I was doing. 

I turned around and said "I am going to be with him". My friend laughed and and sarcastically asked (clearly mocking me) how I knew this. 

I said "I don't know, but mark my words, I will be with him".

In my defense, I was right. 

He showed up the next day at my door and from that day on, we have been together. 

And yes, I was done up! Hair and makeup done, nice fitted jeans. I knew the 2nd he laid eyes on me he wanted me. So considering the train wreck that I was that night, I figured it would only get stronger. 

And it did. 

Going on 8 years...