Stupid job seekers

So, I have a job where I am responsible for bringing on new employees. 

Which means that I am that first person you have contact with when you apply for a job at my company.

Now, I totally understand the occasionally typo on a résumé. I even understand that we sometimes forget what month we started that job in 1996.

But "stupid" is just not ever acceptable.

Today has been especially filled with stupid!

Now, don't misinterpret my meaning of stupid. Missing a  chromosomes or 2 and being "stupid" are very different things. 

Stupid can be helped. Or at least I think so.

So first... If you are looking for a job, and the recruiter sends you an email that states "please answer the following questions and return to me".

Now understand, if you take the time to reply, I expect you to actually answer those questions. 

I also expect that you are qualified for the job you are applying for. 

So let's talk about about stupid and stupider today.

Stupid applies for a pretty clearly advanced analyst job. Now the way I look at it, if the job lists requirements that start with "Masters Degree in Mathematics or Statistics" I think it's safe to assume this is not your "no experience needed" type of role. Especially when followed by, well a pretty clear list of "requirements like extensive experience in "supply chain analysis" and "demand forecasting". I would also assume that working as the lead parts guy at Auto Zone does not make me highly qualified. I'm just saying. But "stupid" decided not only was he qualified, when I stated that he was not, he choose to argue. Sorry, I win! 

And here's another clue, if you have to ask "what exactly is that" then yah know what.... You don't have it! 

So now let move on to "stupider". stupider has a Masters in Business so what I am about to share should really cause people to think WTF?!?

So Stupider gets my pre-screen email asking to "please reply and answer the following questions".  So I get the reply, and a paragraph that was at best an attempt to answer the first question. Which was about the degree. So is a yes/no questions. Yet a paragraph later, no clear answer to question #1, and no answer at all to 2-5. 

So I politely reply "please answer the remaining questions".

I promptly get another reply. Now most are probably assuming this time, with answers. But nope. This time I get "thanks for your continued interest in my background. I am very interested and prepared to start today".

Now, your first mistake, well actually 2nd was failing TWICE to simply follow directions. Then you assume I am still interested at this point. I am not. Then, you state you are prepared to start today...but hmm you are 2 time zones away. 

So we are not done yet. Out of frustration, I reply again am and state "as previously requested, please answer the questions below". At this point it's more morbid curiosity. What will the stupid person say next. Amazing... The next time I get a response. But, the rest of the questions were asking for how many years of experience do they have of software development, then specifically with software, Java, hibernate, Struts etc. stupider replys "10 years" for all. 

Really, despite a couple of random jobs to include some accounting, dental office work and a few other more random roles, not one job was as a software developer. No developme with technologies listed. Yet they just told me they have "10 years".

This is the person I would live to fly in for an interview and have the team ask them to write code on the white board and just watch them squirm. 

So people listen, there are jobs you can just pick up or learn in a day or 2. There are jobs you can fake your way through. But there are others that even if you bull shit your way through the interview and magically land that job.... You are gonna be expected to know what the fuck you are doing. 

Like if you show up day one on the  job and your boss asks you to review statistical model exceptions, automate forecast/budget variance and accuracy reports. Well, I doubt your customer service skills and car parts knowledge from Auto Zone is gonna help you now. 

But thanks for wasting everyone's time.

Now let's call the PhD guy with actual experience,

Rule of thumb job seekers, apply for relevant jobs. If you don't have experience there are jobs out there that train. There are jobs where other skills are really relevant.

So focus on those. Do not try to apply for professional baseball when you don't even know the rules.

McDonalds and Walmart are hiring.